She Bit Me!

A mosquito got loose in my apartment and bit me all over my hands and wrists. I'm allergic to mosquito bites! OK, sure, pretty much everyone is allergic to mosquito bites, but the banality of the human condition does little to soothe my own wounds. My itchy, itchy wounds—a veritable histamine stigmata.

Bill Gates should spend some of his fortunes to have bells strung around the necks of these assassins, so we can hear them coming in time to rally our defenses and grab a nearby magazine.

Can you imagine the sound of thousands upon thousands of teeny-tiny bells tinkling in the summer night?