Mike Will Think This is Funny

I was supposed to go to a fancy restaurant outside of Baltimore for my grandfather's 90th birthday today. Unfortunately, the train I was scheduled to catch caught fire in Newark, so I didn't make it to the dinner. Having saved a windfall of over $150 in train fare and dining expenses, I went directly to the used record store a half block from my house. The joint is full of tattoed, indie rocker, holier-than-thou music types with something to say about everyone. You know the type: whatever music you're buying represents a personal character flaw on your part. And here I was wearing a pair of $300 slacks (purchased on sale) and a really nice tie. I like ties, and this really is a beautiful tie. Obviously, I didn't fit in. Such a square. I spent about an hour pouring over the used CDs. There was a lot of old school punk rock in the crates, and I confess to becoming a bit nostalgic. Me and my $300 slacks (purchased on sale), pressed shirt, and beautiful tie walked up to the counter, totally failing to prostrate myself before this era's retro culture guards, and proceeded to purchase The Cnts' "Oh No It's the Cnts", Propagandhi's "How to Clean Everything", and the Crucifucks' "L.D. Eye." You could have a heard a pin drop. It was f*cking genius.