Election Night, Twenty-Sixteen

Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound?
  —John Zoidberg

It's election night. I should be following the results on the television in realtime while getting faced on booze. That's what most people seem to be doing. Like them, I too have work in the morning. I don't feel like grinding through the haze and aches of a hangover, and this seems to me like the kind of election for which we won't know the official results right away. So, instead of playing the drunken history in the making game, I'm eating more homemade pizza (so good) and watching Futurama reruns. I plan to be in bed by 10 p.m. That's how you do election night right.